


Peggy's Christmas Gift

by WeirdV



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bed & Breakfast, Amputee Bucky Barnes, BUcky has a teenage daughter, Boys Kissing Boys, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Christmas fic, Falling In Love, Fear of Coming Out, Feels, Finding Love, Fluff, M/M, Modern Bucky Barnes, Parent Bucky Barnes, Peggy Carter matchmaking from beyond the grave, Shrunkyclunks, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, army vet bucky, hallmark christmas movie vibes, little of nowhere town, touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29899515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeirdV/pseuds/WeirdV
Summary: Steve had never expected this, if he’s honest.Peggy passed away, the world came crashing down, and then suddenly there’s an attorney getting in touch with him about an inheritance.He looks at the letter again“Give it a try, Stevie. You’ll like it there. I used to imagine us settling down there, after the war, running a little bed and breakfast together. I guess that wasn’t really in the cards for us, but maybe it still can be for you. A life of your own, away from the weight of the world that you feel on your shoulders. Find someone to love, and build a life there. Or at least, give it a go. One Christmas. My business partner will be there to welcome you and let you know how things work.Lots of love, your Peggy”The last request of a dead woman, he couldn’t really refuse that one, could he?The house looks… cozy.There’s a light on inside, even though it’s already quite late. He’d sent an email to the business partner, J.B., so he’s guessing the guy is waiting up for him.He sighs, hoisting his bag up his shoulder and makes his way towards the entrance.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	Peggy's Christmas Gift

Steve had never expected this, if he’s honest.

Peggy passed away, the world came crashing down, and then suddenly there’s an attorney getting in touch with him about an inheritance.

And now he’s here, standing in an inch of snow, in front of a bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere. Some town, a dime a dozen in this country, regular folk who know everyone by name.

He looks at the letter again

_“Give it a try, Stevie. You’ll like it there. I used to imagine us settling down there, after the war, running a little bed and breakfast together. I guess that wasn’t really in the cards for us, but maybe it still can be for you. A life of your own, away from the weight of the world that you feel on your shoulders. Find someone to love, and build a life there. Or at least, give it a go. One Christmas. My business partner will be there to welcome you and let you know how things work._

_Lots of love, your Peggy”_

The last request of a dead woman, he couldn’t really refuse that one, could he?

The house looks… cozy.

There’s a light on inside, even though it’s already quite late. He’d sent an email to the business partner, J.B., so he’s guessing the guy is waiting up for him.

He sighs, hoisting his bag up his shoulder and finally makes his way towards the entrance.

When he walks in he’s hesitant, not sure what to expect. At least it’s warm.

“Hello?” he calls out, closing the door behind him and putting his bag down.

“I’ll be right there” a faint voice comes from another room, there’s some clattering of dishes and then a man walks out. He looks a bit – rugged? Long hair loosely tied together in his neck, there’s a towel over his shoulder and he’s wiping his hand on an apron as he walks into the hall.

“Hi” he smiles, “Can I help you?”

“Uh” he nods, “Yeah, I’m – uhm – I emailed you?”

“S. Rogers?” he asks, Steve nods, “ah, yeah. You’re quite late.”

“Yeah, sorry about that” he says, “I uhm – plane got delayed.”

“Sure” he says, he sounds a bit annoyed, “Uhm – I’ll show you around.”

“Thanks” he says.

“Your room first?” he says, nodding to the bag, “Let’s go.”

Steve follows him up the stairs, all the way to the top floor.

“It’s not a great room” he says, “Since we keep those for the guests. But the bed is comfy and there’s a shower and a toilet. Kitchen sink, two burner stove. Kind of like having your own place.”

“It’s nice” Steve says, dropping his bag on the bed, “Reminds me of my old place.”

The man frowns at him.

“Where do you stay?” Steve asks, trying to be polite.

“I renovated the shed” he shrugs, nodding to a small building in the back of the garden.

“Cool” he says, “So uhm, what else do I need to know?”

He turns and leaves, and Steve quickly follows. The tour is short, but informative.

“Guests can get breakfast from 8 to 10 am” he says, “We use a caterer, so not much work for us, except loading the dishwasher and setting the table. The cleaner does the room before guests arrive, but extra cleanings are on Wednesday unless the guest prefers not to. We do laundry, there’s a laundry Shute in the hallway and linen closets as well. We vacuum the floors of the shared spaces every two days. We don’t serve dinner, but they can get take-out if they clean up after themselves. I think that’s about it, any questions?”

“Uhm, yeah” he says, “Peggy said something about Christmas stuff here?”

“We usually decorate the week before. But it’s been busy, so I haven’t had time yet.”

“Oh” he nods, “Okay, I’d be happy to help.”

“Yeah, fine” he says, “We’ll see tomorrow. It’s late, I’m gonna go to bed.”

[…]

Steve can see the light burning in his room when he looks out the window. A faint flickering as he walks around the place before closing the curtains.

Steve sighs, unzipping his bag to unpack. He never used to unpack his bag when he traveled. But Sam said it was a good idea, it would help him settle in more. Maybe he was right, he thinks to himself, as he puts his sweaters into the closet.

Grabbing his toiletries next to put them in the tiny bathroom.

“Why this place Peggy?” he asks himself out loud, looking around the place. It’s pretty nice, definitely nicer than the place he grew up at with his mom. It’s a bit smaller, but it’s bigger than the place he lived at by himself after she passed. It’s a bit chilly, but he doesn’t mind that much. There’s a picture on the nightstand of Peggy with her husband – the Peggy he knew, in her uniform with her bright red lipstick. He sighs, turning it around, he can’t handle this right now.

[…]

He’s up at 6am, in a quiet house with empty hallways. There’s an envelope stuffed underneath the door, there’s three keys in it.

One of them for the front door. The man must’ve brought them over after Steve went to sleep, probably remembering them last minute. He should really find out they guy’s name soon.

He sits on the bed, pulling out his running shoes and tying them, taking a run will help him clear his mind.

The steady cadence of his feet hitting the pavement feels like meditation. The streets are pretty much empty, Christmas decorations on pretty much every lawn he passes. There’s an occasional man or woman getting the newspaper from the mailbox, wearing their robe, waving at him as he passes by.

He returns to the house at 7am, finding Peggy’s business partner in the kitchen as he walks in to get some water.

“Good morning” he says, “Uhm – JB?”

“James” he says, “But I go by Bucky.”

“Good morning, Bucky” Steve says, filling a glass of tap water and taking a few big sips.

“Good morning, Rogers” he replies, taking the plates from the cabinet.

“Steve” he says, “Call me Steve, please.”

“Okay, Steve” Bucky says, still sounding a bit annoyed at him.

“Can I do anything?” Steve asks, feeling a bit uncomfortable at doing nothing while Bucky is working.

“Yeah” he says, “Go take a shower, you stink.”

“Yeah, good point” he says, “I’ll be back right after and help you set the dining room for breakfast.”

[…]

Bucky watches him leave the kitchen, sighing heavily.

“Great” he mutters, he’s not sure what to think of this guy. He was just – frustrated. Part of him expected that Peggy would leave her part of the bed and breakfast to him. Maybe he had hoped it.

He shouldn’t have, though. Peggy Carter had done so much for him already. She had given him a job there when he was still in high school, changing the beds every weekend. She had supported him when he married his high school girlfriend after she got pregnant at age 20. Helped him watch his daughter whenever he had classes, and then helped him when he decided to enlist to get a better future for his daughter. And after all that, she had taken him back after he came back from his tour in Iraq. Missing an arm and struggling with his mental health, 25 years old and a newly divorced single father. She had taken him back in, given him a job, and a place to stay. And after two years, she had made him a co-owner. As a gift, never having to pay for any of it.

She’d gotten sick not long after. And now here he was, 34 years old and running a bed and breakfast by himself while raising a 14 year old kid. It wasn’t bad, but this new guy might change things. What if he didn’t want to help run it? What if he wants to sell? Bucky can’t afford to buy him out, but also can’t afford to lose this place.

He tried to be positive at first, when he got the email from Peggy’s attorney and then from Steve. But then he’d made Bucky wait up until half past midnight without even bothering to call or text him.

He was hoping to get some time to adjust this morning, but then this Steve walks in at 7am all sweaty from a morning run. In a T-shirt? It’s freezing outside.

“Hey” Steve walks back in, pulling Bucky from his thoughts, “Okay, so, put me to work.”

“Uhm, okay” he says, “I ordered some Christmas trees to put in the front yard and the hall. You can go pick them up, keys to the truck are in that top drawer.”

“Oh, sure” he says, “Where is it?”

“Glendale road”

“How do I get there?”

“Use the gps.”

“Uhm, the what?”

“The GPS” he repeats, “It’s in the car, so you don’t have to use your data.”

“Oh, yeah” he nods, “Sure, thanks.”

[…]

Steve stares at the little thing on the dashboard as he sits in the car, holding his phone and already cursing to himself.

“Hey Cap, what’s up?” Tony asks, he’s not sure why he decided to call him, but he’s pretty good with technology.

“Don’t laugh at me” he says, “I need your help.”

“Oh, yeah, sure” Tony says, “Shoot.”

“I’m in a car” he says, “And they told me to use the GPS?”

“Ah, it’s in the car I’m guessing” he says, not waiting for an answer, “It’s pretty easy. You start the car, it’ll turn on, and then you click the _go to_ thing and put in the address.”

“Okay” he says, turning the key, the little black screen lights up and Steve feels like an idiot. Because Tony’s right, it’s pretty simple.

“Thanks” he says, “I don’t know why I freaked out about this, didn’t want to look dumb.”

“How’s it going over there?” he asks, “a warm welcome to Captain America?”

“Honestly” he says, “I don’t think they know. I grew out my beard, it’s pretty effective to throw them off when they’re expecting Cap to be clean shaven. The business partner doesn’t seem to like me much though.”

“Yeah, can’t blame him for that Steve” Tony says, “You’re a complete stranger who owns half the place. He’s probably worried you’re gonna want to sell or something and put him out of a job.”

“Oh” he sighs, “You know, that hadn’t even crossed my mind.”

“Yeah” there’s some clattering in the background, “Just, enjoy your time away, okay? It’s good to get away from the job, it’s the best thing I ever did.”

“How’s Morgan and Pepper by the way?” Steve asks as he pulls out of the driveway.

“They’re great” he says, “Morgan asked me if I could teach her how to weld – so that’ll be interesting.”

“Oh, Pepper must love that, huh” he replies, making Tony laugh.

“Yeah, loves it” he says, “I talked her into disassembling an engine instead.”

“Send me pictures” he says, “I’ll try and video call soon to say hi to my favourite goddaughter.”

“She’ll love that” he says, “I gotta go, talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, thanks Tony.”

[…]

He returns to the B&B two hours later, unloading four Christmas trees and walking into the house.

“Hey” he says as he spots Bucky putting up a wreath by the fireplace. There’s boxes of decorations standing in the corner.

“Find the place?” he asks, turning around to look at Steve. He’s not wearing the apron this time, just jeans and a Henley. And a glove on his left hand for some reason.

“Yeah, they’re on the lawn. Where do you want them?” he asks.

“One over here, two flanking the door outside, and one over there” he says, “I’ll help you bring them in in a second.”

“Nah, don’t worry” he smiles, “I can handle it.”

“Oh, okay. Great.”

He gets to work immediately, dragging in the trees and setting them up at the places Bucky asked.

“Oh” Bucky sounds surprised when he turns around half an hour later, “You’re already done?”

“Yeah” he shrugs, “It wasn’t too much work.”

“Okay.”

“Uhm, also” Steve says, “Just so you know. I don’t want to just – sell.”

“Huh?”

“I know it’s weird, I show up here and you don’t know what I want to do with my half of the place” he says, “But I don’t – it’s not like I need the money. So if you were worried that I wanted you to like – buy me out or something – don’t be.”

“Oh” he nods, “Thanks. That’s – uhm - good to know.”

“I do have to admit – I’m terrible at decorating” he says.

“No worries, my daughter is going to help decorate after school.”

“Oh, that’s nice” he smiles, “How old is she?”

“Fourteen” he says, “Decorating with her dad is one of the few things she will still agree to nowadays – so I’ll take what I can get.”

“What a lovely age that is” he smiles.

“Oh, I sure miss the time when she was 9 and absolutely adored me. Used to hang on my every word, now she just rolls her eyes at me” he says, “I’m just glad I’m around to be there for her.”

“My friend has a 5 year old daughter” Steve says, “Absolutely worships her dad. So I know what you mean.”

The girl arrived at about 4pm, and she’s the spitting image of Bucky.

She gives her dad a hug, and then turns to Steve, “You must be the new guy” she says, “I’m Win.”

“Hi Win” Steve smiles, “I’m Steve. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, cool” she says, turning back to her dad, “I’m gonna drop my stuff in my room, be right back to decorate.”

[…]

Steve’s surprised by how empty the B&B gets during the day. Apparently there’s a lot to do in town, or in the towns nearby, to keep visitors happy and busy.

“Oh, by the way” Win says, “I made another pamphlet for you.”

She smiles, pulling out a folded paper and handing it to Bucky, “Needed a project for a school assignment, figured it might be interesting for the guests.”

“This is great honey” Bucky smiles, “They always love these – you’re really good at finding interesting things to do in the vicinity.”

“Thanks dad” she sighs, “Oh, by the way, mom called yesterday.”

“Oh” Bucky looks up, shoulders going tight, “What did she say?”

“She cancelled our plans for next week” she says, shrugging, “Apparently she has a big thing at work. As usual.”

“Oh” he sighs, “I know it sucks honey, but she loves you.”

“I know dad” she shrugs, clearly not that bothered by the whole situation, “It’s okay. I mean – being a hands on mom just isn’t something she’s good at. She loves me in her own way, and I can’t be mad at her about something she’s just – is not able to do.”

“You’re pretty clever, kiddo” Bucky says, kissing her forehead, “Go get the baubles from the attic please.”

“I’m guessing it’s just the two of you then?” Steve says after a while.

“Yeah” he smiles, “We were pretty young, barely 20. Did all the things the way we were supposed to, you know? But after I came back – she checked out. Decided being a mom wasn’t something she wanted from life. That she couldn’t’ do it. She’s still in Win’s life, every few weekends. But I explained it to Win, her mom just doesn’t know how to do it. And being mad at someone for something they can’t change is pretty pointless. Hating them for it even more.”

“You’re pretty wise, Bucky” Steve says, “I can see where she gets it from.”

“You’re too kind” he snorts, “You just say that because you don’t know me that well yet.”

“Yet?” Steve smirks at him and Bucky shakes his head.

“Well, it looks like you’re planning to stay for the Holidays” he says, “So I guess we’ll get to know each other a bit better.”

“Yeah” he nods, “I guess.”

Win walks back in a few minutes later, carrying a plastic box with red baubles in it. Bucky’s in the kitchen making some tea, leaving Steve alone in the room with Win to decorate.

“Hey, Steve” she says, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” he says, “What you want to know?”

“How did you know Aunt Peggy?”

“Oh” he smiles, “We were in basic together.”

“Basic?” Win asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah” he smiles, “She was quite a sight. Was supposed to take her dancing but then life kind of derailed that plan.”

“Oh” she smiles, “You’re that Steve.”

“Yeah” he nods, “Don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.”

“The beard really helps” she says, smiling, “You’re pretty cool.”

“Thanks Win” he smiles, “You are pretty cool yourself.”

“Making friends I hear” Bucky says as he walks back into the room holding a tray with three cups of tea.

“You know me, always polite” Win smiles, taking the tray from him and putting it down on the side table.

“Sure you are” he grins, coming over to help finish decorating.

[…]

“Steve seems pretty cool, right?” Win says that evening as her dad puts dinner on the table.

“I don’t really know him that well, sweetie” he says, “He seems like a good fella I suppose.”

“You think he’s gonna want to sell?” she asks, “Should we worry?”

“No, he said he doesn’t want to sell” he shrugs, “Apparently he doesn’t need the money. So good for him, I suppose.”

“Do you think he’ll stick around?” Win questions, putting her fork down for a moment to take a sip of water.

“I don’t know sweetie” he shrugs, “The big city types rarely do. Besides, he probably has a job to get back to in the city.”

“I like him though” she admits, “He has kind eyes.”

“Yeah” Bucky grins, “Sure thing, kiddo. Finish your dinner, you have school in the morning.”

“It’s the last week before Christmas break, it doesn’t count.”

“You still gotta go.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

[…]

Steve can’t sleep again. It’s not unusual, since he woke up in the future. Every once in a while, when he closes his eyes, he can hear the water streaming into the plane after nose diving into the ocean. He hasn’t been good with the cold since.

He is enjoying his stay here though, the peaceful quiet that comes with a small town. He’s used to the constant sounds of traffic whenever he’s in the city, when he’s staying in the tower.

He used to have his own place, but that didn’t really stick thanks to security reasons. At least the tower was always – busy. Not as much privacy, since someone would come visit at least once a day to make sure he wasn’t lonely. They had the best intentions, but Steve didn’t hate being alone. If anything, being surrounded by all of them just made him feel lonelier.

[…]

“Nope” Bucky laughs, “Not gonna happen kiddo. Now hurry up or you’ll be late for school. Last few days before winter break.”

“Oh, come on dad” Win replies, “You look like a hobo.”

“Oh, sush you, get out” Bucky replies, Steve can hear them bickering right until Win closes the door behind her. The guests are in the dining room, enjoying their breakfast, and Bucky enters that exact moment to refill the coffee.

“Mister Barnes” an old woman calls him over, “I saw there was a Christmas play in a nearby theatre. Do you know where we can book tickets?”

“Ah, I think Win bookmarked them on the computer in the lounge” he says, “Check it out after breakfast. If you go online it should take you to the events page of the b and b, and then just click the play.”

“Oh, thank you darling” she smiles, “Your daughter is a very clever girl.”

“She sure is” he smiles back at her, “Just let me know if you can’t find it.”

“Definitely” he nods and moves around, chatting to a few guests before returning to the kitchen with a now empty coffeepot.

“Hey Steve” Bucky smiles, “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah” he nods, even though it’s a flat out lie, “Getting used to the silent nights without that city noise.”

“Oh yeah” he agrees, “You think this is silent, try sleeping in the desert.”

“You served” Steve says, it’s not a question, more sudden realization.

“Did a few tours”

“I was in an active war zone” he says, “opposite of silence.”

“That how you knew Peggy?”

“Yeah, Agent Carter and I worked together for a while” he tells Bucky, not a complete truth, but it’s enough for now, “I still can’t quite believe she’s gone.”

“She was something quite special”

“You two were close?” he asks.

“I guess” Bucky shrugs, starting up the coffee machine again, “She pretty much saved me. She got me a job. Then when my girlfriend and I got pregnant and my parents kicked me out, she gave us a place to stay. Made sure I could stay in college. When I came back and got divorced, she was still there. She gave me more kindness than I ever deserved.”

“You deserve all the kindness she gave you” Steve says, “That’s just how she was. I just – ah fuck. Sorry. I need some fresh air.”

He turns and leaves the kitchen stepping into the backyard through the side door.

This happens all the time, every time he thinks he’s okay. Whenever he thinks he’s at peace with his life, missing out on everything. He and Peggy were never going to be an item. But she was his friend, the one person he trusted with all his secrets during the war. The darkest secrets that could’ve gotten him killed. Secrets she kept while he was frozen, even though she didn’t have to anymore.

“You okay?” Bucky asks, making Steve jump up in surprise.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine” he says, wiping his eyes.

“Must’ve been hard” he says, “Coming back and losing the only friend you’ve got left.”

Steve doesn’t reply, just keeps taking deep breaths, “Fourteen year old girls aren’t great at keeping secrets from their father” he says, “And I’m not blind or dumb. But the beard did throw me off for a while.”

“I’m very happy it has that effect on people” Steve says, “I figured you might find out.”

“Peggy always talked fondly of you” he says, “At the end, she’d talk about you visiting her. I never knew her when she was young. She was a very energetic 60 year old woman when we met. No less impressive.”

“I’m glad she had a full and happy life” Steve sighs, “Uhm – let’s go back inside.”

“Good idea, it’s getting pretty cold”

[…]

“I gotta go out for groceries today” Bucky says after breakfast cleanup. They loaded the dishwasher together and Steve just finished wiping down the tables.

“Never thought I’d see an American Superhero wipe down tables” Bucky smirks at him, making Steve laugh.

“Should’ve seen me in the twenties and thirties” he grins, “The easiest money I ever made.”

“I don’t remember reading about that in the history books.”

“Ah, well, they don’t like to mention that their depiction of American virtue used to work at a queer bar.”

“Must’ve been fun” he replies.

“The patrons used to give excellent tips” he says, “Although some did want a little extra every once in a while.”

“Ever take them up on it?”

Steve looks up at him, Bucky’s just going about his business. He’s not staring at him to look at his reaction.

“Would you judge me if I had?” he asks, Bucky frowns looking up.

“My great-uncle was gay” he says, “My grandmother’s brother. He lived together with his childhood friend – that’s what they used to say back in the day. A public secret. They got married when they were 90, when it was legalized.”

“Married” Steve stares at him, “What?”

“You know, when they legalized gay marriage.”

“Huh” he smiles, “That’s awesome. All the crap that’s happened in the last few years, and nobody thought they should tell me this?”

“Maybe they thought you’d react badly?” Bucky shrugs, “After all, it tends to come with that age.”

“Sadly, yeah” he agrees, “But I lived in Brooklyn, not just because I was poor.”

“So if you are, which I’m not saying you are, because you didn’t actually say, would you come out publicly?” Bucky asks, “Knowing the world is different now but not as different as it should be?”

“I don’t know” he shrugs, “Part of me would want to. But then – if I were to be with someone – I’d put them in the spotlight. I’ve gotten really good at hiding from the world.”

“What if they don’t mind being in the spotlight?” Bucky looks up at him now, trying to read the man’s face.

“I guess it all depends. If they want that spotlight, then we wouldn’t be a good match. I would never hide someone I care about from my friends or family” he says, “But the rest of the world? They don’t need to know what’s in my heart. I wouldn’t lie about it, or deny anything if they ask. But I don’t feel the need to tell anyone anything about my private life.”

“I think I have an opposite view on that sometimes” Bucky says, “Dating when you have a teenage daughter isn’t easy. She hasn’t met any guy I’ve dated, or girl.”

“It’s different as a parent, obviously, she’s your priority” Steve agrees, “She’s a great kid, from what I can tell.”

“She’s amazing” Bucky confirms, “I can’t believe I got so lucky. She didn’t have an easy childhood, with the divorce, me getting injured, her mom – but she has been amazing through it all. Handled everything so much better than I ever could’ve expected.”

“You got injured?” Steve frowns at him, suddenly looking worried.

“Uh, yeah” he smiles, “I hide it really well. And your friend Stark definitely helped with that.”

“I’m confused”

Bucky smiles, lifting his gloved hand and pulling up his sleeve to reveal his metal arm, “Little mishap during my last tour.”

“Tony made that?” Steve asks, sounding a bit incredulous, “Tony?”

“Yeah” Bucky laughs, “He is very good at hiding that he’s got a kind heart underneath it all.”

“Very good” Steve says, “I should get changed into something warmer – do you mind if I join you to the grocery store?”

“Oh, not at all”

[…]

Steve tries not to, he really does.

But he feels more and more drawn to Bucky – the man reminds him of Peggy. Dark hair, kind eyes, funny, handsome.

He feels a jolt in his stomach when he sees Bucky look up and smile at him, eyes shimmering with mischief as he lifts up two melons.

“Afternoon snack?” he asks, it’s childish and dumb at it reminds Steve of being 13 again.

“You’re ridiculous” Steve shakes his head as Bucky puts them in the shopping cart.

“I’m living with a 14 year old. Ridiculous is my go to” he says, grabbing some chocolate as well, “I live with a 14 year old girl, chocolate is always a must have.”

“Chocolate is a must have no matter how old you are” Steve says, grabbing a bag of pretzels and throwing it into the cart.

“Okay – I think I almost have everything” he says, turning into the last aisle, he grabs a box of tampons and some heat pads to add to the cart.

“That’s it” he hums to himself as they make their way to the register.

Steve pays for the few things he threw into the cart as Bucky pays for his purchases, loading them into some fabric tote bags he brought with him.

He lifts them all with his prosthetic arm.

“Show off” Steve smirks.

“You know it” he says, winking at Steve.

The drive back is silent, apart from the radio playing, they unload the groceries together, Bucky disappearing to his little house at the end of the garden to drop some stuff.

There’s a bell ringing at the register and Bucky reappears, smiling at the woman waiting.

“Hi” she smiles, “I’m so sorry, do you have a room left?”

“Oh” Bucky frowns, checking the computer and scratching his head, “How about this, you go for a walk, let’s say an hour, leave your luggage, and I’ll find you a bed by the time you get back.”

“Oh, really?” she smiles, “You’d be saving my life. I was supposed to meet up with my boyfriend but he just dumped me over text and now I’m stranded here in a place I don’t even know.”

“We will get you a room. Promise.”

She smiles, “Thank you, so much” she says, “An hour?”

“An hour.”

The woman leaves and Steve appears behind him.

“I thought you were fully booked?”

“We are” Bucky says, “I’m kicking you out of your room.”

“Wait, what?”

“It’ll be fine, just go pack. We lock the kitchen and dress it up with some decorations” he says, “I’ve done it before.”

“You’re forgetting one thing though” Steve says, “Where am I going to sleep?”

“I’ve got a pullout couch” Bucky says, “It’s not the best – but it’s comfy enough for a night or two. By then we’ll have a room available – hopefully.”

“You’re gonna make me sleep on the couch?” Steve asks, faking disgrace.

“What? No, I’m sleeping on the couch. You can use my bed” Bucky replies, “Now stop messing around and get the room ready for that poor girl.”

“Yeah yeah” he sighs, “I’ll get it ready.”

[…]

Bucky curses to himself. He always does those things, wanting to please everyone, unable to turn away people in need. And now he asked Steve to sleep in his house, in his fucking bed.

He hasn’t had another person in his bed since Win’s school trip to Washington 6 years ago. Which even got cut short when she got sick and came back early, having to sneak him out through the window. There hadn’t been a follow up to that date.

And now this.

He’s frantically trying to tidy up his bedroom, throwing the dirty sheets in the washer and putting on some clean ones when there’s a knock on the door.

“Come in” he shouts, expecting it to be Steve – but it’s not. It’s Becca.

“Hey there little brother” she smiles, taking in his reaction, “You forgot.”

He keeps staring at her, “The concert” she says slowly, waiting for him to catch on, “With Win – remember – the surprise.”

“Right” he nods, “The surprise – it’s been hectic.”

“I figured when you didn’t reply to my last text” she says, taking a look around, “What’s going on?”

“The guy that inherited Peggy’s share showed up for Christmas break” he says, “We’re fully booked so we’re renting out his room – so I offered him my room.”

“I see” she grins at him, “So I’m guessing Win doesn’t even know it yet and she hasn’t packed her bag for the weekend?”

“You’re correct.”

“Great” she smiles, “I guess I’ll get to see her reaction when you tell her then.”

“I guess so.”

[…]

Win gets home from school at 3pm. Steve and Bucky are unloading the dishwasher in the kitchen, and Becca is sitting on the counter supervising.

“You could help, you know” Bucky says.

“I’m not your employee” she says, taking a bite out of her apple,

“Auntie Becca” Win practically tackles her into a hug, and Becca clearly enjoys it.

“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming until Christmas Eve?” she says, dropping her bag on the floor.

“Ah, well, I leave the word to your dear father” she says, “Or as I know him, my dumb little brother.”

She turns towards Bucky, “Dad?”

“Okay” he grins, putting the dishes down and pulling an envelope from his pocket, “This is your Christmas gift. It’s not a haircut for me, but I hope you still like it.”

She frowns as she takes the envelope, opens it and then stares at the two tickets she finds in there.

“You got tickets?” she asks, eyes going wide, “They’ve been sold out for weeks! How did you get tickets?”

“Ah, fun fact” she smiles, “I served with her cousin. He pulled a few strings.”

“He must like you a lot” she smiles widely, hugging him tightly.

“Well, I did save his life that one time” he replies, kissing the top of her head, “So here’s the deal. You and Becca are leaving tonight to get there, I booked you a hotelroom for three nights, that way you can visit the sights and go to the concert. You’ll be back the 23rd, in time for Christmas, and a day to recover from your trip.”

“Why aren’t you coming with us?” she asks, “I mean, obviously I love you aunt Becca. But, you know.”

“I have to work, darling” he says, “And I figured that the concert was probably more fun with you two girls. Besides, you know I don’t do well in the city.”

“Thanks dad” she smiles, hugging him again, “You’re the best.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

“I’ll go pack immediately”

She runs off, leaving her backpack on the floor in the middle of the kitchen.

“She gets _that_ from you” Becca says, nodding at the bag and smirking at her brother.

“Oh, sush you” he says, “Thanks, for doing this.”

“You’re welcome” she says, lowering her voice and nodding to Steve who’s tidying up in the lounge, “So, Steve, what’s the deal.”

“You know who he is, right?”

“Win texted me right after she found out” she says, “So yeah.”

“I don’t know. I think he’s kind of lonely. Tired of the spotlight” he says, glancing at him, “He’s nice, likes to help out. We’re getting to know each other better.”

“You like him” she says, smirking at him.

“We’re friends” he says, “I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Okay.”

[…]

Win leaves at 6pm with Becca, and Bucky distracts himself by cleaning up. He starts baking after that, still busy at 10pm when all the guests have retired to their rooms.

“Bucky?” Steve asks softly, “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” he turns around, his jeans is covered in flour, and although the kitchen looks more or less clean, there’s at least 5 cakes and two boxes of cookies on the counter. The cookies are decorated in Christmas theme, icing bags and cans next to it. There’s icing in Bucky’s hair.

“You’ve been baking for 4 hours straight” he says, “There’s icing in your hair.”

“Oh” his eyes are wide, “I tend to bake when I’m stressed. It’s either this or the gun range, and I’m not really a fan of loud noises these days.”

“Let’s get out of here” he says, gently pulling the bowl from Bucky’s hands.

“I didn’t used to be like this” he mutters, “I know she’ll be fine. Becca is great with her, protects her with her life. I just…”

“Haven’t been away from your daughter for so long?”

“There was an occasional sleepover down the road” he says, “Usually she’d call me to pick her up early.”

“She’s a daddy’s girl” Steve says, Bucky smiles, “I can see you two love each other a lot.”

“She’s my world, Stevie” he says, “I left her behind once, when I enlisted. Because I had no other choice. But when I came home, I promised her I would never leave her again.”

“It’s the hardest part” Steve says, “Leaving behind the people you love.”

“You had to leave someone behind?” Bucky asks, glancing up at him.

“Yeah” he admits, holding open the door to Bucky’s little home for them.

“Do you know what happened to them?” Bucky asks.

“He died, not long after I…” Steve says, he doesn’t elaborate.

“I can’t even imagine, waking up and everyone you know – gone” he stares at his feet, “How do you do it?”

“Honestly, a lot of people I knew died before I went down. And those that didn’t? Well, I take peace in the fact that they all got to have full and happy lives. I might not have been there for it, but I like to think that maybe they got to have it because of me.”

“It is. You’re a hero” Bucky says, they’ve found their way to the couch, sitting closely together.

“So they keep telling me” he mutters, Bucky stares at him, and Steve finally looks up.

“You’ve got really nice eyes” Bucky says, not sure where the words come from.

There’s a moment – Steve can almost hear the static between them. And for a moment, he’s ready. Ready for whatever this is between them.

There’s a buzzing, and Bucky’s up in a second, pulling out his phone.

“Hi” he says, “You arrived at the hotel?”

There’s a pause as he starts pacing, “You settled in okay? How about Win? How is she?” he smiles at Steve, “Yeah? Okay, okay. Thanks for calling sis. Yeah, fine.”

“They arrived?”

“Yeah” he nods, yawning loudly, “They’re okay.”

“You should go to bed.”

“You’re sitting on my bed” he says, sounding sleepy.

“Nonsense” Steve smiles softly at him, but Bucky’s eyes have already closed. He softly pats his shoulder, but he doesn’t move.

So he does what he does best, he picks the man up and takes him into his room to sleep in his own bed.

[…]

Bucky wakes up in his own bed, feeling rested for the first time in – well – 14 years or so. He blinks lazily, glances at the clock, and jumps up.

It’s 10am. He slept through his alarm, he should’ve been up at 7 to set up breakfast.

He gets up, feeling the sting of sleeping in his jeans, and makes his way to the kitchen. There’s a post-it next to the coffeemaker.

“Looked like you needed to sleep in. don’t worry, I got this covered. Steve”

He can’t help but smile, something so simple and so kind. He pauses for a second, he’s alone in his home. It’s quiet, he doesn’t have any work to rush to. There’s only one thing he can imagine doing right now.

Take a long shower. Drink hot coffee slowly so he can enjoy it properly, maybe put some music on and sing along now Win isn’t here to tease him with it.

The coffee is good. Even better getting to drink it while just wearing his boxers. Reminds him of being 16 again, those weekends that his parents would go on a city trip and Becca would take off to spend it with her boyfriend.

He rinses out the mug, grabs a clean towel from the pile of laundry he hasn’t folded yet, and makes his way to the bathroom.

He’s in there longer than usual. And it’s amazing. He does a deep conditioning on his hair, taking the time to blow dry it instead of just putting in some dry shampoo like he usually does in the morning.

He has just finished drying his hair and steps out the bathroom in his jeans when Steve walks back in.

“Oh” he smiles, “hi.”

Bucky’s sure he’s imagining it, but it looks like his eyes linger.

“Hi” he smiles, “Thank you – for letting me sleep. I was really tired last night – I don’t even remember getting into my bed.”

“Ah – well, that’s because you didn’t” Steve says, “I put you there.”

“Oh god” Bucky bites his bottom lip, “That’s embarrassing.”

He can only imagine what it might have looked like – but he’s not a small person. Then again, Steve is pretty strong.

“Definitely not” Steve replies, “You looked adorable.”

“Oh.”

There’s a loaded silence between them, the tension in the air spreading through the room. There’s a moment – Steve takes a step forward, and Bucky doesn’t move, rooted to the spot.

It’s like the air around him heats up, and there’s a promise of what comes next. And he’s ready for it – so ready.

“I should – take this” Steve says, as the silence is interrupted by his phone ringing.

“Huh” he’s a bit dazed as Steve steps back and pulls out his phone.

“Hey Sam” he says, turning around, “No, I’m fine. Oh – I don’t know. I don’t want to intrude on your family.”

There’s a short pause, “I’ll get back to you, okay?” he says, “I’ll text you.”

He hangs up and turns back to Bucky.

“Friend or colleague?” he asks, Steve smiles.

“Both” he says, “But in this case, he was a friend first and became a colleague after. He works at the VA.”

“In Brooklyn?”

“Washington” he says, “I’ve been there for the last year – work has been keeping me away from Brooklyn.”

“Do you miss it? The city?” he asks, Steve shrugs.

“I don’t know” he says, “Sometimes, I do. But last time I went there everything just hurt. Another reminder of all I’ve lost after every corner.”

“I get what you mean” he says, “When I’m in the city I always remember being in that hospital after I lost my arm – when my marriage fell apart.”

“Must have been hard” he says, “Getting home from the war and losing the person you love.”

“I don’t know if it was love, Stevie” he says, “We were young and horny kids that got pregnant. We did all we had to do. And I liked her – a lot. So I proposed, because that was the right thing to do. I guess I was mostly scared that I wouldn’t be in my kid’s life if I didn’t.”

“Do you ever regret it? Getting married?” he asks, Bucky shakes his head.

“Not really” he smiles, “It might not have been true love, but we did have a lot of fun. And raising a baby was easier together.”

“I can imagine” he glances at the photo of Bucky and Win standing on the bookcase, “Do you still see her a lot?”

“She video calls Win at least three times a week” he says, “She got a job as a flight attendant – and honestly – she never really wanted to do the mom thing. I wanted to be a dad more than anything, which is why she agreed to keep the baby when she got pregnant. Figured she’d love being a mom when it came to that point. And she tried, she really did. But you can’t be something you’re not. She loves Win, obviously. But parenting, not her strong suit.”

“It’s amazing to see how Win handles it” Steve says, “Can’t have been easy, dealing with that.”

“She’s amazing” Bucky grins, “You can’t imagine. When she was 7 she tried to set me up with her school teacher.”

“Oh dear” he laughs, “How did that go?”

“Well, he was painfully straight” Bucky grins, “And we had some lovely conversation about it that evening. But then she hugged me and – have you ever tried to be mad at a 7 year old kid?”

“I have – but I was seven myself back then” he says, “So I guess it’s not comparable.”

“Not exactly” he smiles, “Do you ever think about it? Having kids?”

“Sometimes” he looks away, “But then I think, wanting something you probably can’t have is just painful. So I try not to think about it.”

“It doesn’t seem fair” Bucky says, “You gave up everything to save people, and instead of giving you peace they keep on taking and taking from you.”

“I guess you’re the only one who sees it that way.”

“I – I wish I could do something” Bucky frowns, and then takes a step forward and pulls him into a hug.

It’s strange, because it isn’t until that very moment that Steve realizes he hasn’t had anyone hug him – really hug him – since they were in the middle of the war.

He wraps his arms around Bucky and breathes in, it feels like a tension lifts from his shoulders and his entire body relaxes. Bucky tries to pull away after a moment but Steve’s not quite ready to get go yet, unable to stop the whine escaping from him.

They hug for another minute or so, and then Steve lets go, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be” he stares at Steve, looking genuinely concerned, “How long?”

“Hmm?”

“How long since somebody hugged you” he says, “How long since somebody touch you in a way that wasn’t violence?”

“I – uhm” he glances at his feet, “I think it was right after – after we raided the train. Before I crashed the plane.”

“Oh” he takes a step towards him again, “Oh, Stevie. I’m so sorry nobody noticed. You deserve so much better.”

“You’re too kind for me Bucky” he smiles, “Welcoming me, seeing parts of me I try to hide – thank you.”

“Thank you for letting me sleep in this morning” Bucky replies softly, he swallows hard, “We should – uhm – get back to work.”

“Yeah, we should.”

[…]

They go through the day as usual, except that evening, when they finish cleaning and retire to Bucky’s living room, they sit close to each other.

Bucky insists on watching some cliché Christmas movie together, and Steve kind of likes it. It’s just a happy ending no angst kinda story and he likes those.

“How long do you plan on sticking around?” Bucky asks when the credits roll, “I don’t know if I ever asked.”

“I don’t know” he shrugs, “Sam keeps asking me to celebrate Christmas with him and his family. And Tony wants me to be there for his fancy New Year’s Eve party.”

“What do you want?” he asks.

“I don’t know” he shrugs, “I have to return to the city at some point. In case they have some emergency or something. I guess.”

“But do you want to?” he asks, “Do you want to go back?”

“Not really” he sighs, “I don’t want to be in that constant spotlight, trying to help people while they hope I screw up so they’ll have something to write about.”

“Would you stay?” he asks, “If you didn’t feel like they needed you?”

“In a heartbeat” he says.

A silence falls between them, and he takes Bucky’s hand.

“Tell me something” he says, “Something about you. Anything.”

“I used to be really angry as a teenager” he says, “I didn’t know why, you know. I had a mom and dad, a great sister, we had everything we needed. But I was always so angry and I never understood why. Until I got older – when I had Win, when I enlisted.”

“Why were you so angry?”

“Injustice” he says, “I saw all these people around me. I saw kids in my class come to school without lunch because they couldn’t afford it. Kids without pens, or without a coat during winter. Their parents working two jobs, and missing their school plays. And then I saw politicians on TV saying they were lazy, or should find a better job, and I got so angry. I still do, sometimes. But I’ve learnt to let it go – not to let it consume me, or affect my actions.”

“I was the same as a kid” Steve says, “I couldn’t let it go though, got into a lot of fights. Mom hated it.”

“Oh, I managed to avoid most fights. Being bigger and stronger than them usually helped” he grins, “Although I did show up with a black eye every once in a while. And then Becca would usually threaten them. I think my dad made her do that to be honest. It was effective though.”

“Must have been nice, growing up with a sister.”

“Meh, we fought a lot as kids” he says, “Didn’t start to get along until I was twenty and a new dad. She doted on Win, babysat her a lot when I had work or college. Then she got her promotion at work and couldn’t help out as much. Enlisting was the only solution.”

“Would you have enlisted if you didn’t have to?”

“Probably not” he shrugs, “Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. I felt like I was doing something useful. But I hated every second I wasn’t at home with my family.”

“It’s awful, people enlisting because it’s the only way they can take care of their family” he sighs, “It’s not right.”

“There’s a lot not right” Bucky shrugs, “But we have to find a way to live with it and make the best of it until it changes.”

“I guess so”

They’re still holding hands, Steve is painfully aware of it, but he can’t pull away.

“It’s getting late” Bucky says, “We should get some sleep.”

“We should” he nods, “You take the bed.”

“Where did you sleep last night? The couch wasn’t made up” Bucky says, glancing at Steve’s expression.

“I slept on the floor” he says, “Beds are – too soft.”

“I remember that when I came back from the desert” Bucky says, “How about you just join me? I got a firm mattress because I couldn’t get used to the softness. It’s big enough for two.”

“Oh, no. That’s not necessary, Bucky” Steve says, “I’m fine on the floor.”

“Stevie, I already had you sleep on the floor once” he says, standing up and pulling Steve with him – with surprising strength, “You’re a national treasure. If they find out they’ll have me lynched.”

“Imagine what they would do if they find you in bed with the national treasure”

“I won’t tell if you won’t” he says, winking at Steve. Steve can’t quite control the blush that creeps up on him because of it.

They get ready for bed, and it feels like they belong here, together. Standing next to each other in the bathroom brushing their teeth.

They get into bed, Bucky pulls out and extra blanket for him.

“Thanks” he smiles, the bed is comfortable. Not too soft at all, but comfortable in the perfect way. Even the pillow is firm, supporting his neck better than his rolled up jeans had done last night.

[…]

“Stevie – wake up” the voice sounds distant, “Shhht. It’s okay. You’re dreaming, Stevie. You’re here, safe, with me.”

He gasps for air, like he’s resurfacing. Like he’s a gangly 16 year old kid again with asthma.

There’s a warm hand on his cheek, then stroking his hair, “Wake up, Stevie” the voice says, again. He reaches out, taking the hand and pulling it against his chest. Trying to slow his breathing, eyes still shut tightly.

“It’s okay” the voice says, “You’re okay.”

He blinks, slowly, and there’s a face. A face he knows.

“Hi” he breathes out, Bucky’s hand still on his chest, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be” he whispers, “It’s okay. Comes with the job, right. Nightmares, PTSD, the usual.”

“Right” he mumbles, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I wasn’t asleep” he says, tugging at Steve’s hand, “Let’s go get you a glass of water.”

They sit in the dark kitchen, as if Bucky understands that the lights would be a bad idea right now.

“When I just got back home, I had awful nightmares” Bucky says, “Win was still little, but I was so scared I’d end up accidentally hurting her. Peggy got me in with a great therapist.”

“Peggy was always good at getting people what they need” Steve agrees, drinking the water Bucky pushes into his hands, “God I miss her.”

“Same.”

They sit in silence for half an hour, before returning to bed together. This time though, Bucky doesn’t seem to care about personal space. He leans into Steve, letting his arm rest over Steve’s stomach. It’s grounding, and before he knows he’s back asleep again.

[…]

He has to go. Soon. He doesn’t want him to, but he has to.

There’s a twisting feeling in his stomach whenever he thinks about it. About Steve leaving.

But there’s no room. He has Win, and the bed and breakfast. Even though Steve fits into their lives perfectly, helping out and lessening the work load. Letting Bucky sleep in, distracting him from missing his kid.

They’re in the kitchen again, just working together in comfortable silence, when the door opens up.

“Bucky, darling” his ex-wife smiles widely at him, wrapping him in a hug and planting a wet kiss on his cheek, “I’ve missed you. Where’s our darling daughter.”

“She’s at the concert, Jess, remember” he smiles at her, turning back to the oven as he sets the timer, “Which, obviously you know or you wouldn’t have greeted me like this.”

“Okay, guilty” she smiles, “I was just hoping we could hang out, like old times.”

“Jess, we both know that’s not a good idea” he replies, not even looking up, “What happened to Nate, by the way?”

“Nate? Oh, yeah” she shrugs, sitting on the kitchen island as she watches Bucky work, “He left. Decided to give his marriage another try.”

“He was married?” he turns to her, seeing Steve behind her working really hard at ignoring the whole scene, “Again?”

“Well, he didn’t tell me when we started dating” she says, “Said he was recently divorced. Guess he didn’t know the difference between separated and divorced.”

“I’m sorry about that, Jess” he smiles at her, and she returns the smile brightly, “But you can’t come running back to me every time. We tried that, it did not go well.”

“Ugh” she sighs, “I guess you’re right.”

She pulls something from her bag, “At least I can drop of Win’s Christmas gift” she says, turning towards Steve, “How about you, handsome, are you single?”

“Uhm” Steve stammers, glancing at Bucky.

“Oh, I see my dear ex-husband got to you first” she grins, “That’s the third time that happens.”

“Third time?” Bucky frowns, and she smiles.

“Yes, first was Luke” she says, “Then Alice, and now this lovely fella.”

“You were into Alice?”

“She was cute” she shrugs, “We went on a date or two after you rejected her. A goodbye kiss. Didn’t work out.”

“That’s, cool, I guess” he shakes his head, “How long you sticking around?”

“Just until dinner” she smiles, “Have a plane to catch. Was hoping I could use your kitchen, cook up Win’s favourite dessert for when she’s back.”

“Sure, you know the way.”

She smiles, jumps off the counter, and kisses his cheek again before leaving the kitchen to get to Bucky’s house.

There’s a beat of silence as she leaves, before Steve finally says, “So – she seems nice”.

“Jess is amazing” Bucky says, “Honestly, if she wasn’t all over the place and unable to stay in one place – it might have worked out. But we weren’t meant to be.”

“Has she always been like that?’

“Yeah” he smiles, “When we were young, it was something I loved about her. But then we grew up and it just didn’t fit into our lives anymore. When she told me she wanted a divorce, it was both crushing and a relief. I couldn’t keep up with her.”

“I know what that feels like” Steve smiles softly.

They don’t see her leave, but when they get to the house that evening there’s a note on the table, an envelope addressed to Win, and a cake in the fridge.

Bucky grabs the note with his name on before Steve can spot it.

_He looks cute, good luck Bucky._

It’s not much, but it’s enough to know what she’s talking about.

Steve is in the bathroom, taking a shower. Bucky can hear him singing, some old songs he vaguely recognizes from when Peggy was still living at the bed and breakfast. Which reminds him that there might actually be some records she left behind, in his safekeeping.

He frowns, making his way to the storage cabinet in the back to find it. He doesn’t have to look for long, the box of records and the old record player take up quite some space. The other stuff in the storage cabinet is mostly old clothes – including an old onesie that Win used to wear as a baby.

[…]

Steve walks out of the bathroom to find Bucky sitting on the floor, there’s a record player and records on the coffee table. Some old familiar music playing.

Bucky, however, is surrounded by three boxes with what seems to be old clothes. Baby clothes.

“You okay there buddy?”

Bucky looks up, his eyes a bit teary.

“Yeah – it’s just. Your singing reminded me of the record player. And then I found Win’s old baby clothes and of course I’m now dragged back into the past down memory road” he says, holding up a yellow sunflower dress, “She was wearing this when she took her first steps.”

He puts it aside, being so very careful, as he takes out a tiny red onesie, “Her first Christmas” he sighs, “She was so small as a baby. I was so scared I’d hurt her at first.”

He puts the outfit aside, “She was so crazy about this shirt – she wore it for weeks when she was 10” he continues, “her first shoes. Her primary school art works.”

He grins widely as he pulls out a piece of paper, “Oh, you’ll love this one” he says, “Her first A+ assignment was about you.”

He passes it to Steve, who finds a written letter with a drawing of his shield at the bottom.

“Ah, yes” he smiles, “Excellent subject indeed.”

“Hung it on the fridge for almost six months until she got embarrassed about it after Peggy visited” he smiles at the memory, “She was nine, just learned about it at school. She got so shy, it was near the end of Peggy’s health. I mean – before she got really bad. Win hiding behind me. I secretly loved it, to be honest. She was at that age that she’s too cool to spend time with her dad. No good night kisses allowed. And there she was hiding behind my leg like when she was 4 years old again.”

“You did great raising her Bucky” he says, “From what I’ve seen she’s an amazing young woman.”

“Yeah” he sighs, slowly placing everything back into the boxes, “Sometimes I think about it, you know. Having another kid. Meeting someone who would want to do that – together.”

“A brother or sister for Win?”

“Yeah” he smiles, “I was young when I had her. A lot of my friends from service are only now having kids. I was the only parent in my unit – all my age. It was strange.”

“You still in touch with them?”

“Yeah, we try to meet up once a month” he nods, “They like to bring their wife every once in a while – ask for a discount for a room.”

Steve helps him put away the boxes, watching as Bucky carefully places them into the storage cabinet.

They find themselves on the couch after that, close together as Bucky picks a movie from Netflix. Steve isn’t really paying much attention to the movie, he’s too aware of how close Bucky is.

He tries not to, to not let it get to him. But he’s close, and he’s kind, and he’s – well – attractive.

Bucky turns towards him, “I kinda like those cliché Christmas movies” he says, “They always get their happy ending.”

“That does sound pretty nice” Steve agrees, turning to Bucky, their eyes meeting.

“Hmm” he freezes, “yeah.”

“I just” Steve mutters, it’s like all the air has left his body as he looks into Bucky’s eyes “Just – once. If that’s all I’ll get. _Please_ ”

“Once?” Bucky looks confused, and Steve just – can’t resist.

He leans in, slowly, decisively, softly planting his lips on Bucky’s. He pulls away reluctantly, eyes closed as he lingers in the moment. His breath shuddering at the electricity he feels coursing through his body.

“Wow” Bucky sighs, something settling inside of him, and then he leans back in and pulls Steve in for another kiss.

[…]

“Good morning” Bucky smiles at Steve, leaning over the counter to kiss him, until they’re interrupted by an incessant ringing.

Coming from Steve’s phone, who immediately pales, and pulls it out of his jeans

“Yes?” he asks, eyes fixated on Bucky, hand reaching out to cup his cheek.

Bucky can’t help but lean into the touch.

“Do you really need me?” he asks, not really familiar with that sentence coming from his own mouth, “I’m on holiday.”

There’s another pause, “Okay” he nods, “I’ll talk to you later.”

He hangs up, smiling again, “So – where were we?”

[…]

He wakes up to the feeling of Bucky’s hair tickling his face, his lips softly placed on his neck. Right behind his ear. He hums at the feeling, leaning into it. Bucky’s arm wraps around his middle, and Steve lets him pull him closer relishes in the feeling.

“Good morning, gorgeous” Bucky mutters, Steve turns his head, meeting Bucky’s lips and kissing him.

“Good morning” he replies, flipping himself so they’re facing each other.

“I don’t mind waking up like this” Bucky says, their foreheads leaning against each other – tracing Steve’s face with his finger.

“I haven’t woken up like this since” he takes a breath, closing his eyes as the memory floods back, “1938”

“Tell me about it?” Bucky asks softly.

“It wasn’t easy” he says, “Being yourself. Trying to find someone who was like you, loved like you. I met him – I don’t even remember where, if I’m honest. I was pretty much mesmerized. He made the first move – much braver than I was. I guess we started kind of – dating – as much as that was possible. Moved in together – roommates. It was the great depression – or at least it still felt like it. Nobody thought it was strange – saving money. Twin beds – we’d push them together each night. He was called up for duty.”

“Must have been hard?”

“He gave me something I never thought I’d get” Steve whispers, “We were so happy – and then it all got taken away. So I signed up for that experiment – because I needed to be there, help him. And when I found him he was – I couldn’t even touch him – everyone was always around us.”

“What happened after?”

“We – he joined the howling commandoes” he whispers, “And then – he fell. He slipped right from my hand – couldn’t save him.”

“Thomas” Bucky says, remembering the story from his high school visit to the museum, the only howling commando that didn’t survive the war.

“Yeah”

“I’m sorry, Stevie” Bucky sighs, wiping the tear from Steve’s cheek, “It’s not fair that you didn’t get to be yourself. I hope you’ll get your happy ending”

“I think I might have”

[…]

Win returns two days later, and their little bubble bursts.

“I have to talk to her first” Bucky says, “She’ll be great about it, but still.”

“No, of course” Steve replies quickly, “She’s your kid. She’s your priority”

“Your room is available again” Bucky says, “Maybe you should?”

“Yeah, no, you’re right” he nods, “Don’t worry about it.”

[…]

It’s a cold awakening after those few days just the two of them. But his kid is back, and they’re in the kitchen together talking when Steve gets there the next morning. He suddenly feels like and intruder again, as if he doesn’t belong. He tries to get some alone time with Bucky – talk – but there’s always something or someone that pops up.

He’s used to it, though. Wanting things he cannot have – loving people he cannot love.

Which is when Tony calls him.

“Hey, Steve” he grins, “So – the Christmas party, you’re coming, right?”

He hesitates, glancing at Bucky and Win laughing about something together.

“Yeah” he says, making up his mind, he doesn’t belong here, and it’s time he stops fooling himself. It’s been nice playing pretend for a while, but he should get back to the real world – and he knows that.

“Yeah, I’ll be there” he says, “Can you arrange my ticket?”

“Already booked pall” Tony replies easily, “Tomorrow afternoon, 2pm flight.”

“Thanks” he sighs, “I’ll go pack – I guess.”

“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You going somewhere?” Bucky asks, making him jump a little.

“Uhm” he stares at his phone, “Yeah. Christmas party, Washington.”

“You’re leaving?” Bucky asks, “I thought… maybe you wanted to celebrate here, with us.”

“There’s no room for me here, Bucky” he says, “You have your job, your family. I can’t intrude on that.”

“I don’t get it” he frowns, “The last few days – we were – I thought -.”

“It was nice – great” he mutters, “But it was – it couldn’t last. I’m not out – I can’t be out, Bucky. You deserve better.”

“Yeah – okay” he nods, suddenly closed off, “If that’s what you think is best.”

“Bucky – I” he starts, reaching out – but he’s already walking away.

[…]

“Steve’s gone” Bucky tells his daughter, “Had to go back to the city.”

“Oh” she nods, “I guess he couldn’t stick around forever. Kind of sad – I liked him.”

“I know sweetie” he says, “But we were fine before, and we will be fine after.”

[…]

Win isn’t stupid, she knows something happened while she was in the city with her aunt. Her dad looks sad – even more so than before.

His face closes off every time she mentions Steve, he doesn’t even mention his name.

It’s the evening he leaves that she finally breaks the subject, “dad?” she says slowly, “What happened? Between you and him?”

“I –.” he shakes his head, “That obvious huh?”

“Yeah” she sighs, “You like him, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter, sweetheart” he says, “He wanted to leave – he’s not out. He says he can’t be.”

“Can’t blame him for that” she says, “The world is better – but it’s not great. He’s not like you, dad. He’s famous – every single person will comment on it. You know how cruel they’d get.”

“I know darling – and I would never ask him to be out if he doesn’t want to be. But we can’t have anything if he’s not” he says, Win sighs.

“Why not?” she asks, “We live in a small town – nobody outside this city has to know. Everybody here loves you – they wouldn’t tell. We can be a little family – with him. If that’s what you want.”

“It doesn’t matter” he shrugs, “He left.”

They fall silent, focusing on the movie again.

She goes to her room thirty minutes later, already making plans to give her dad the happy ending he deserves.

[…]

His phone keeps ringing, Bucky keeps calling him. And he should answer – he should. But his heart can’t take it. So he ignores it as Tony keeps glancing at him.

“You okay there, Rogers?” he asks, Steve look up - a bit startled.

“Hmm?” he nods, “Yeah, great. Why?”

“Well – there’s a few reasons” he says, “First – you said no to a mission during your holiday. Second – you seem gloomier than usual. And, apparently there’s a 14 year old girl downstairs claiming she knows you.”

“Wait – what?” he frowns, getting up, “When?”

“About half an hour ago” he says, “A girl named Win.”

“Oh shit” he takes off immediately, picking up when Bucky calls him for the 15th time.”

“Stevie – is she there?” he asks, “Please tell me she’s there – that she’s safe.”

“I’m on my way downstairs now” he says, “I didn’t know – I swear. I just got the message. Okay – eyes on her. She looks great, fine.”

“Oh thank god” he says, “I’ll get there as soon as possible.”

“No – Bucky” he sighs, “I’ll make sure she gets home okay. You don’t – I know the city isn’t good for you.”

“She’s my baby, Stevie” he says, “I’ve been going insane. She was just – gone. A note on the kitchen table – none of her friends knew where she was. I thought – I can’t.”

“It’s okay, sweetie” he whispers, “She’s safe. I’ll keep her safe.”

“Okay – thanks”

“I’ll call you back” he says.

Win smiles when she sees Steve.

“Hi” she smiles, running up and hugging them, “Can’t believe you left without saying goodbye.”

“I’m sorry kiddo” he says, “Let’s get you home.”

“No – I want to talk first” she says, he stares at her, “Please.”

“Yeah” he agrees, “Let’s talk – I know a great place close by to get something to eat.”

They get to the pancake place after a ten minute walk, Steve wearing his cap to make sure nobody recognizes him.

“So, tell me” he says, “Why did you come here.”

“I know you like my dad” she says, not beating around the bush, “And I know why you can’t – you know. But like – you can.”

“It’s not that easy Win” he shakes his head, “Everyone knows who I am – they’d constantly bother us. Judge you – say awful things about me, and your dad.”

“But what if they didn’t know?” she says, “It’s a small town, everyone loves my dad. They wouldn’t care. And they wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“It would be pretty obvious, Win.”

“No. You just tell them you’re helping to run the place, that you like the mundane job of it all” she says, “You could come back – make my dad smile again. You can be out in our town, just not to the whole world.”

“I’m really sorry, sweetheart” he sighs, “I wish it was that easy. But it isn’t.”

“Why not?” she asks, “You like each other – you make him happy. I know it, I could see it. Isn’t that worth something?”

“I’m sorry” he says, again, “I know it must be hard. But I’ll take you home, and we’ll talk, okay?”

“Yeah, fine” she sighs, “Can I at least get like, a tour?”

“First, you call your dad” he says, “Maybe better video call him.”

“My reception is really bad” she says, “Best call him back at your place.”

[…]

Tony notices, Steve is acting strange. So of course he looks up the girl, Winifred Barnes – Win for short. He finds a short background on her, and a familiar face when her father pops up. He did really enjoy designing that arm – for a young father. Seeing the kid was strange, because she’d been much younger last time he saw her from afar.

They’re already back less than an hour later, Steve making his way to him.

“Can you help? We need to video call her dad” he says, Tony nods.

“Just ask Jarvis, he can fix it.”

Steve leaves the room, letting her talk to Bucky by herself first, finding Tony standing outside.

“So – what’s happening?” he asks, “The truth, please?”

“I had a thing with her dad” he admits, “Realised it couldn’t work out.”

“Why not?” Tony asks, genuinely confused.

“Because – I’m me” he says, “People won’t like it, and I can deal with that – if I have to. But I don’t want to, and I can’t bring people into that mess. They’re not famous, they’re just regular people.”

“So – she came here to try and fix it?”

“Yeah. Says I don’t have to be out – not to anyone outside their little town. That people would keep my secret, wouldn’t talk to the press.”

“You know – that’s not so crazy” Tony says, “If that’s what you wanted – and I can set up some things that deletes any pictures people might post online of you two. Besides – the beard is definitely helping you in that case.”

“You think so?” Steve frowns, not sure what he expected from Tony, but definitely not this.

“You deserve a little happy, Steve” he says, “And yeah, maybe we call you for missions a lot – but things are very different since you first came back. We have 15 more superheroes to call in case we need help. Spiderman, Starlord and his weirdoes, Vision and Wanda, Ant-man and his girl, we have other people to call. You’re great at tactics, but you can do that from a distance – if you want to give family life a go.”

“Why are you being so nice about this?” Steve asks, thoroughly confused.

“Well – maybe it’s being married to Pepper” he says, “Or maybe – it because I’m going to be a father myself. It kind of puts things in perspective.”

“Pepper’s expecting?” Steve asks, Tony nods and Steve can’t stop himself from pulling Tony into a hug, “that’s great! Congratulations.”

“Thanks” he smiles, “Steve – go get your guy, okay? Don’t worry about everyone else – they got enough of you. Go get something for yourself.”

[…]

He takes Win home, buys their plane tickets and he doesn’t let her out of his sight.

“I’m not going to run off, you know” she says, rolling her eyes.

“I bet you told your dad the same thing before you ran off” he says, shaking his head a little, she snorts.

“I didn’t” she says, “That would’ve given it away, duuuh!”

“Well aren’t you clever” he sighs, and she grins widely at him. They eventually both watch a movie on the plane, Winn insists he sees some show called futurama.

“It’s kind of about you, but weirder” she says, it’s pretty entertaining.

“I have to admit” he says, “It’s not that much weirder – maybe the aliens look less normal in real life – but they’re definitely here.”

“I keep forgetting about that” she shrugs, “Makes life easier that way.”

Bucky is waiting for them at the airport, his sister standing next to him. He wraps his daughter into a hug, a long tight hug, and then he mutters something to her. Steve goes with them to the bed and breakfast, he sits next to Becca in the backseat, in silence. They eat dinner together, Becca cooks amazingly. They talk – about nothing much. Carefully avoiding the elephant in the room – and the tension.

After dinner though, it’s time.

“Hey, Win?” Becca smiles, “Why don’t you and I go for a walk while these two gentlemen do the dishes?”

“Yes” she jumps up, already running to grab her coat.

This is it – this is when Steve tell him he can’t stay, that it would never work. That he cannot drag Bucky into his life.

And the Bucky turns towards him, gorgeous as ever, and Steve feels his resolve dwindle.

“Let’s talk” he says, he holds out his hand for Steve, and Steve takes it. Unable to resist. They don’t do the dishes – instead they move to the couch.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Stevie” he says softly.

“I grew up in a different time, Bucky, you wouldn’t understand.” He sighs, avoiding his gaze.

Bucky takes in a deep breath, “When I enlisted I was married to a woman. By then the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ act was repealed – you were allowed to be gay in the army. But I didn’t see the point in telling people I was bisexual, you know? Then everything happened, of course. Jess and I broke up, I got my new arm, and my friend set up a reunion for our unit. Win was at Jess, we were at the bar. 10 guys, just drinking beers.”

“Sounds fun” Steve smiles, Bucky shakes his head.

“It was” he says, “Until – well. Some guy came over, he started chatting to me, and he was cute, you know? I’d been alone for a while, focusing on Win. But she was gone for the weekend and this guy was interested, so he gave me his number and left. One of the guys snorted at that, thought it was funny. Asked me what I was gonna do with it.”

“And?”

“Told him I might call him” Bucky says, a wry smile, “He didn’t like that answer – called me a – well, it wasn’t nice. It was like ice, you know? Discovering that a guy you trusted your life with thought like that? And when he said that the memories flooded back, you know? The offhand comments he made before, the jokes that were slightly homophobic. I let down my guard and I got hurt.”

“How did the others react?” Steve asks.

“They called him out. I went from feeling betrayed to feeling loved. The guy left – haven’t seen or heard from him since. They had my back, accepted me. Eight out of the nine guys that night. But that one guy, Stevie. That one guy set me back, for weeks I hid who I was again. So don’t think I don’t understand, Stevie. Because I do. So talk to me. Please.”

“I was seven years old when I realized” he says, “Jimmy and Martha were a thing, as much as two seven year old kids can be a thing. And I was so jealous.”

Bucky just looks at him, listening intently.

“When I got home I told my mom” he continues, “I told her that Jimmy was in love with Martha, but obviously he was wrong because he should be in love with me. And I will never forget the fear in my mom’s eyes. She sat me down, and hugged me for a very very long time. I was scared, I thought maybe the doctor called and said I was sick again – that I was going to die.”

“What did she do?” Bucky asks?

“She told me that I couldn’t tell people. She said ‘Stevie, you have such a big heart. You love who you love, and that’s okay. But some people have small eyes and a small heart and they don’t see that your love is real. They don’t understand it, so they get angry and cruel. And you’re not cruel, Stevie. They cannot handle your love – so you have to hide it. You have to be safe until the world grows a bigger heart.’ She told me to be safe” he takes a deep breath, “She told me to hide – don’t tell people – be safe, be safe, be safe.”

“Must have been hard” Bucky takes his hands.

“I woke up – and suddenly I’m in a world where everyone tell me that it’s okay to love” he says, “That it’s okay to tell people, that you’re safe now. But whenever I want to say the words, I hear her voice in my head. _Don’t tell anyone. Be safe.”_

“I can’t even imagine what that’s like” Bucky mumbles, his heart lurches seeing the expression on Steve’s face.

“And then I came here” he continues, “And I meet you – the first guy I’ve met since waking up that’s open about his love – no shame. First person I’ve gotten to know. And I fall in love with you – hard. And I want to take you out, hold your hand, kiss you in public, for the whole world to see. But that voice, Buck. It’s so strong.”

“So what’s next?” Bucky asks, “What do you want Stevie?”

“I want you” he says, “I want you so bad it hurts – but I can’t have it.”

“Sure you can”

“No. I can’t, Bucky. You are open and loving and I can’t make you – I don’t want to do that to you, there’s no outcome to this where we both win, Bucky. Either we hide and then you will have to hide. Or we tell the world and they’ll be cruel to you.”

“So what?” he says, “What does it matter? The world doesn’t have to know, Stevie. You come here, and we tell friends and family the truth. People we trust. We don’t tell others – they’ll think we’re friends, who cares? We give it a go, okay? Because it’s worth it.”

“Okay” he says, taking a deep breath, “I’d like that.”

“So would I.”

[…]

_**1 year later, 25 th of December.** _

“Happy anniversary darling” Bucky mutters, snuggling into Steve on the couch, the Christmas tree light twinkling behind them, “I’m so glad you decided to take a chance.”

“Me too” he says, “And I think I’m ready.”

“Ready?”

“To come out – to the public. Not tell them about us, because they still have no business with who I love.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah” he smiles, “I’ve talked about it with my therapist, and Sam.”

“Okay” he smiles, “So – we got the house to ourselves tonight. With Win at her mother’s.”

“Oh, you have any plans for tonight then?” Steve asks, watching Bucky smirk.

“Well” he says, leaning in for a kiss, “I’ve had a few ideas…”

**Author's Note:**

> So, the goal was in fact to post this one Christmas day 2020...  
> But like, 3 months later isn't that bad, right?  
> Posting it now before I forget.


End file.
